Let Me Love You
by lassrosalie
Summary: Alex didn't expect this school year to be any different than the previous one, she's just trying to survive one day at a time. The unexpected arrival of several new students turns her world upside down, especially when one is determined to befriend her. Post Breaking Dawn.
1. Beginnings

**A/N: I do not live in the USA. Therefore, while every effort is taken to maintain accuracy to life in the USA, I am unfamiliar with certain aspects such as the USA school system and some mistakes may be evident.**

 **Later, this story will contain themes of domestic/sexual abuse, depression and self-harm. They will not be graphic or detailed but please proceed with caution if these upset you.**

* * *

"Have you seen the new kids?"

I jumped as Sam dropped onto the bench beside me, dropping her bag to the floor. "Huh?"

"The new kids." She rolled her brown eyes. "There's a whole family of them, everybody is talking about it."

I stared blearily at her. It was still too early for me to function.

"Geez, Alex." Anna laughed from across the table. She was scrolling on her phone. "Are you on this planet?"

I managed to crack a smile and itched the back of my hand. "Sorry. It's before noon after summer break. What was this about new kids?"

"The _Cullen's_." Sam waggled her eyebrows. "There's like, I don't know! I whole horde of them. Their dad is the new doctor at the hospital or something."

I nodded. I still didn't understand what the big deal was, sure Masonville wasn't a big town . . . but new people weren't uncommon.

"And holy guacamole they are gorgeous! Seriously, they all look like supermodels or something! Get me whatever is in their water." The brunette ran her hand through her frizzy brown hair. "The guys are like uber hunks. There's this super tall body builder with these crazy dimples, and the shortest one! He has this crazy hair!" She waved her hands above her own head. "And his face . . . I drooled a little. He is like . . . I didn't know people like that existed!"

"Just two guys?" Anna said out in a bored tone. "I thought there was a horde?"

Sam shot her a dirty look. "There are three guys and four girls. The other one, the blonde? He's perfect too but not my type. He sorta looked . . ." She screwed her face up. "I don't know. Too broody for my tastes."

 _Too broody._ I barely contained my own eyeroll. That was the most ridiculous thing I'd ever heard. "Did you speak to them?"

"Speak to them?" She squeaked. "No! Of course not. Kimberly and Hannah are doing the welcome wagon routine. I'll get the downlow from them later."

 _This really is ridiculous._ If the look on Anna's face was anything to go by she agreed. Thankfully the bell rang, stopping my sharp-tongued friend from saying anything. She swore and dropped her phone her bag. "Sophomore year, here we go."

"Hallelujah." I picked up my own bag. Rain poured down outside the small alcove we sat in.

"Three more years until we blow this popsicle stand." Anna raised her arms. "I'll finally get some sun."

I smiled and shook my head, walking towards the glass doors. Anna went to Florida over the break and came back bright red. Despite her nasty sunburn, she maintained that she was moving somewhere warm and sunny the first chance she got.

"Better pull up your grades." Sam jabbed as we moved into the crowded hall. "Otherwise you'll be stuck in this Podunk town forever."

Anna glared at her tossed her dark blonde hair. "At least my head is filled with more than air and gossip!"

Instead of answering, Sam squealed "Linda!" and ran to embrace one of the girls on the volleyball team with her. "Oh my gosh! You barely texted over break! What were you up too?"

Anna let out a small sound of disgust and forced her way through the crowd of people standing at the bulletin boards outside the office. "They need a better system. Want me to tell you what homeroom you're in?"

I nodded and pulled down my sweater sleeves, staying close to the wall. It was too noisy in here, it made me jumpy and the crush of bodies made me feel like I couldn't get in enough air.

 _No. Not here. You're fine. You're safe. This is just high school. These are just kids trying to figure out what class they're in._

"Jenkins." I jerked as a hand closed around my elbow. "Hey! Easy Alex."

Heart pounding, I looked at Anna and nodded. I needed to get out of here.

"It's the same as mine." She was practically yelling to be heard. "C'mon, it's the next floor up."

Clutching my bag to my chest I dutifully followed her, sticking close so her body would shield me from the others. Thankfully Anna was not a social butterfly and made her way to the second floor and our apparent homeroom without saying anything.

"You cool?" She eyed me critically.

I nodded, even though I felt like I was going to throw up. My stomach twisted, full of butterflies. _Make that_ _bees._

She stared at me for a moment longer before pushing open the door. "Ladies first."

I stepped forward, managing to find my voice under the bile that threatened to rise. "You are also a lady."

"A girl, yes." She snorted. "But not a lady. C'mon, let's get the window seats. Those are the best."

The classroom was laid out in 5 rows. Three desks, the walkway, two desks. The windows lined the side with two desks.

Anna dropped her bag on the very back row but left the window for me. I shot her a grateful smile and sunk down, resting my head on the cold glass.

 _See? You're fine. You can do this. Just another day._

Nobody else had made it to the classroom yet. Anna pulled her phone back out, a quick glance told me she was updating her blog. Thankful that she knew me well enough to leave me alone to my thoughts. I fumbled in my backpack for my water bottle and took a small sip. When my stomach didn't reject it, I took another one.

"Reckon we'll have many classes together?"

I shrugged, holding my sleeves in my hand. "Hope so but I doubt it. You didn't choose any of the same classes I did."

"That's because you decided to do all artsy shit." She smiled. "Maybe English. Algebra or Bio? That's at least half our day."

"Possibly gym." I pointed out. She pulled a face.

"I plan to ditch that as much as possible." She grumbled. "It's a total bullshit class. If they did dance, cheerleading or gymnastics maybe I'd show up."

I shook my head and grinned. "So even if we had gym you wouldn't show?"

"Damn straight." She grumbled. "I'll get a doctor note. Maybe the new doc in town can write something up for me. What was his name? Casey?"

More people were slowly trickling in now, standing around talking.

"Cullen."

"Right, Cullen." She shrugged. "One week it'll be period cramps, the next a sprained ankle. You know how I roll. I'll spend my time in the library – working on my assignments and you know, not wasting my time."

"You know, Coach is going to catch on."

"Eh." She shrugged. "What's he gonna do about it?"

 _Call your parents about forged notes?_

"Guess what!" Sam threw herself into the chair in front of us and it rocked wildly. "One of the new kids is in our class? Can you believe it? Renesmee Cullen! I can't wait to find out why they moved here. Do you reckon she'll hook me up with one of her brothers?"

"What kind of name is Renesmee?" Anna screwed up her face. "Are you sure you're saying it right?"

"Yes." Sam rolled her eyes. "R-E-N-E-S-M-E-E Cullen. Renesmee."

"Hmm." Anna tapped her long nails on the desk. "Nope. I bet you're saying it wrong."

"I am not!" Sam turned to look at me. "Tell her Alex, how would you pronounce-"

The bell rang and talking students began to drop into seats. Sam spun to the door, obviously hoping to catch a glimpse of the new student.

I rested head in my hands and pitied her. The last thing I would want was everybody staring at me, much less the inquisition Sam seemed determined to launch.

"There she is!" Sam squealed quietly.

"Jeez." Anna whistled. "You weren't joking about them being attractive."

That made me look up. Anna was not easily impressed.

A girl stood in the door way, bronze ringlets falling to her waist. My friends were right, she did look airbrushed – like she was on a shoot for a hair shampoo commercial. She had wide chocolate brown eyes, set in perfect features. Her cheek cheekbones were high, nose straight, lips full. From here, I couldn't even see an acne: not a pimple or zit marred her creamy complexion.

Kimberly was talking to her and she was nodding, eyes running over the classroom. The conversations had gotten louder the moment she walked in, people echoing Anna's sentiment: this girl was beautiful.

I tried not to stare, I really did. If it was me, I would have hated all the looks. She didn't seem particularly bothered though, so I let myself watch her as she sat at one of the front desks and pulled an iPad from her bag. Her posture was perfect, shoulders back, ankles crossed.

I'd never so incomparably frumpy in all my life.

 _You want to be unattractive remember? Invisible. The less attention the better._

And this girl – Renesmee – she attracted attention.

"Alright sophomores." Mr. Jenkins carried a large cardboard box into the room. "If you would all find a seat and quiet down we can get today started." He turned on the Smartboard and wrote his name. "I am Mr. Jenkins, I teach both algebra and calculus here at Masonville High. In addition, I will be your homeroom teacher." He looked over the classroom and nodded. "Most of you I recognize from Freshman year, those who I don't I will endeavor to learn your name by mid-semester. Now, if you would all pull out your devices I will walk you through logging onto the school Wi-Fi and accessing your student email."

I tuned out as he went through the long (boring) talk about what we were and were not allowed to do on school internet as well as the consequences if we were caught doing so. A few students trickled in during his speech, they got narrowed eyed looks. I could almost see him mentally labeling them as 'troublesome'.

I logged onto the Wi-Fi easily, they'd changed the password to Masonville2018 which was not at all original. A few moments later I was scrolling through welcome back emails and locating my timetable.

"Show me." Anna turned her laptop, so I could see her screen. I did the same, scanning her schedule.

 _Biology. Lunch._

"Damn." She muttered and sighed. "One class. That's the pits. Oh well, we'll still see each other after school. Who else will I copy English answers off?"

I swatted her and tried not to smile as she laughed. That earned her one of Mr Jenkins narrowed eyed stares and pursed lips.

"Did anybody have trouble logging on?" He helped one of the boys before moving back to the front. "All right, attendance. Jordan Anderson?"

I clicked through the emails, deleting the ones for various clubs and sporting activities as he slowly went down the list.

"Ren- ruh-" He cleared his throat. "Miss Cullen?"

"Here." My eyes once again moved to her. Her voice was so angelic.

Mr Jenkins adjusted his glasses. "How do you pronounce your first name Miss Cullen?"

"Ruh-nez-may." She chirped. "You may call me Nessie if it's easier."

Anna lent forward, "I told you, you were pronouncing her name wrong."

"Shut up." Sam muttered. "You couldn't figure it out either."

I sighed and rested my head on the window, ignoring the two and their whispered argument. Mr Jenkins was still going through attendance but most of the students seemed more intent on gawking at Renesmee. _That must get old so fast._

When the bell rang I gathered my books, hanging back so I didn't get caught in the crush of bodies. At least 5 people surround Renesmee, all offering to walk her to her next class.

Anna rolled her eyes. "And there's more of them. Great, we'll be putting up with the Cullen fan club all year."

"Be nice." I muttered as I slipped through the door. "It isn't her fault."

"No," Anna sighed. "But being that attractive should be illegal. I'll see you at lunch Alex."

I waved and headed in the direction of my English class.

O ~ O ~ O ~ O ~ O

"So!" Sam dropped her bag beside mine. I tried not to groan, algebra was a class I needed to focus in. "What was your last class and was there a Cullen in it?"

"English and yes." I pulled out a notebook.

"Who?" She lent in. "Wait, it must have been Renesmee. Alice was in my American History class."

I nodded and began to doodle, hoping she'd drop it.

"Apparently only those two are sophomores." Nope. "They're the youngest. Two are juniors and three are seniors. It's pretty disappointing, you know? I'd hoped one of the guys would be in our grade. But no, I miss out on all the eye candy."

I shifted, uncomfortable with the way she spoke about them. Yes, they were attractive (or so I presumed) but they were people too.

"Hopefully at lunch you'll see them." She turned to me. "Have you seen them yet?"

"Just Renesmee." I sighed. I had no interest in gossip.

"When you see them, you'll understand." She nodded. "Oh! Kathy! Your sister is a senior, has she told you anything?"

I tuned her out, doodling on my notebook until Mr. Jenkins called the called the class to attention. He wasted no time on getting into it, handing out a quiz that would assess our overall knowledge from last year. Groans filled the classroom and the entire lesson Sam was huffing beside me as she worked.

I finished with a few minutes to spare. I was confident about the first few dozen questions, but it had gotten harder from there. When the bell rang Mr. Jenkins gestured to a cardboard box. "If your name is on your paper you're free to go to lunch."

I hurried out of my seat, hungry and desperate not to be caught in the crowded hallway.

The cafeteria was huge, which was good since all four grades had their lunch at the same time. It had multiple lunch lines and I moved to the closest one, buying a salad and a choc-chip muffin. By the time I was done the cafeteria was filling up. I looked around for Anna, moving to where we had sat last year. Sure enough, there she was with a plate of fries in front of her.

" _Hola mi amigo_." She grinned. "How is your first day going?"

"It's going." I shrugged beside her on the end. "You had Spanish last period?"

" _Sí señorita_." She laughed. "And with both the Cullen girls. Sam's head may explode."

I smiled and began to pick apart my salad. I ate all the elements separately, something she teased me for.

"And here comes the rest of our gang." She grinned as Bentley and Laura came over. "I didn't see you two lovebirds this morning."

Laura, in her usually hoodie and jeans, flipped her the bird.

Anna laughed and ate another fry as Bentley moved to wait in line. "What's got you in a bad mood?"

"Cullen gossip." She grumbled. "How am I meant to sleep through class with all this talking?"

"Maybe by not sleeping through class." Sam sat down, her nose in the air. "I happen to think it's very interesting. For example, why are so many of them in the same grade?"

"Tell us." Anna rolled her eyes. "Fountain of youth?"

"They're adopted." Sam reported. "Well, not all of them. Emmett, the hunky senior, is brother to Bella and Alice who is in our grade. Edward is Nessie's older brother. They were apparently adopted by Mr. and Mrs. Cullen years ago. Then Jasper and Rosalie, the blonde seniors? They're foster kids. Mrs. Cullen's niece and nephew."

I tensed up, wondering if she would remember that I too was technically a foster kid living with my aunt.

"It's so weird!" She gushed. "Like, do they only adopt beautiful kids? I have to see them, maybe they're super ugly so they're compensating? I mean, why else would you take in somebody else's-" She jumped. "Ow! Anna! You did that on purpose."

"Yes. I did." She smiled but it wasn't nice. "Why don't you take your gossip to somebody who cares and come back when you remember how to act like a person?"

"You can talk!" She stood up. "You are so rude!"

I watched her flounce off, chewing the inside of my lip. The last thing I wanted to do was make Sam mad, she was likely to turn to rumor mill against us.

"Forget her Alex." Laura advised. "You don't need a friend like that."

I nodded even as my stomach twisted. I slowly chewed a piece of tomato. _It's fine. Everything is fine. Any false rumors are just that, false._

Anna started chatting to Laura about some videogame they had both started playing. I tuned out, methodically counting each time I chewed and trying not to flinch every time somebody walked too close to where I was sitting. I didn't get up when the warning bell rang, more than content to sit and let the halls empty a bit before I made my move. I stood when Anna did and followed her out, while her class was on the same floor as the cafeteria mine was not and I had to run to make it before the bell rang.

Miss Langdon was standing at the front as I walked through the door, seconds before the bell rang. Art was not a large class; a lot of people had dropped out halfway through last year when they realized that it wasn't an easy A. The room was large and airy, big windows showing the drizzle outside. Desks could easily sit 4 students, but Miss Langdon preferred that we sit 2 at a table if numbers allowed so we could spread our work out. I recognized all bar one of the 11 students in the room.

The only student sitting without a partner was a Cullen. Even if I hadn't of recognized her, her sheer beauty gave that away. She was tiny and sharp boned. Her dark hair was cropped short and contrasted wildly with her pale skin. Pale skin. She wasn't just fair skinned, she was whiter then anybody I had ever seen. Large gold eyes watched me, a knowing-smile on her lips.

"Alexandra." Miss Langdon prompted and nodded towards her. "Please take a seat."

With a pounding heart and shaking hands I moved to do as she said and sat across from Cullen.


	2. Alice

**A/N: I do not live in the USA. Therefore, while every effort is taken to maintain accuracy to life in the USA, I am unfamiliar with certain aspects such as the USA school system and some mistakes may be evident.**

 **Later, this story will contain themes of domestic/sexual abuse, depression and self-harm. They will not be graphic or detailed but please proceed with caution if these upset you.**

* * *

My foot jiggled anxiously under the desk as Miss Langdon began her lesson. I could see the girl out of the corner of my eye.

She was so beautiful and in such as different way to Renesmee. I wasn't exactly tall, but she was shorter then I was and the delicate shaping of her face . . .

I tore my eyes away and focused intently on Miss Langdon. Or, tried to. Despite my eyes being on the art teacher my mind was still on the girl beside me. With her short, styled hair she really did remind me of some soft of fey creature from a fantasy movie. _She's looking at me. Why is she looking at me?_

It wasn't straight out gawking, but her shoulders were turned towards me and I knew she could see me as well as I could see her. _Invisible. I just want to be invisible._

I hunched down in my seat, cursing myself for wearing a blue sweater and jeans instead of my usual bomber jacket. I picked at the hem of my sweater and tried to focus.

 _Calm down Alex. She's probably looking past you. Yeah, that's it._

I forced myself to breathe in as deeply as possible and waiting for the ringing in my ears to fade.

"So, that's what we'll be doing today." Miss Langdon smiled. "As for the class rules, whatever is a school rule applies in here. I don't mind if you talk _quietly_ to your neighbor so long as you're being productive. If the noise level in the room gets too loud we'll work in silence. I'll be wandering around if you have any questions."

I blinked as she moved to a radio on her desk and flipped it on. Quiet music filled the classroom.

 _Crap._ I had no idea what we were supposed to be doing and she hadn't written it on the board.

I looked down at the desk, examining the flecks of paint dried there. Hopefully I would be able to figure out what I was supposed to do from the other students were doing.

"Hi!" A bell-like voice said with a giggle. "I'm Alice Cullen."

I looked at the girl sitting beside me, fingers still worrying at my sweater. "Alex."

"It's nice to meet you Alex." She grinned, a blinding flash of white teeth that had me pulling back for reasons I wasn't entirely sure of.

"N-nice to meet you too?"

She smiled, without teeth this time and opened her sketch pad. "So, we're meant to be drawing our summer. What did you do?"

"Not much . . ." She was so friendly, she acted like we were already friends. "Hung around home mostly. What did you do?"

"My family and I visited some friends," she picked a pencil out of her sequined pencil case, "I did a lot of shopping."

I nodded and noticed her clothes for the first time. She was stylishly dressed – her blouse, her skirt, her purple scarf and blazer - it all coordinated with a sense of flair.

Realizing that while I had been distracted she had began drawing I quickly opened my own sketchbook and grabbed a pencil. _My summer._ There were a lot of things I could draw, none of them exciting. Playing piano, reading, going to yoga with Aunt Lauren.

I sighed heavily and began to slowly draw the outline of the porch swing at the back of our house. It was one of my favorite places in the whole house and I'd spent a lot of time sitting there this summer.

O ~ O ~ O ~ O ~ O

"Wonderful work, Alice." Miss Langdon praised. "Excellent proportioning."

I tensed up as she peered over my shoulder. I hated people doing that. "Fabulous use of shading Alexandra."

Breathing a sigh of relief when she left I continued to attempt to sketch the wooded background.

"What are you drawing?" Alice asked, flipping her sketch book to show me her own work. It was a moving truck, complete with stacks of boxes. _That makes sense._

I gazed at my own work and hesitated. Hers was easily better then mine, and it made sense with the prompt of _'your summer'_. I didn't know where her family had moved from but with 9 people it would have been a pain in the ass.

"I won't laugh." She promised. After another few moments of hesitation I slowly turned my book.

She was beaming as she looked at it. "The teacher was right, you did a great job with your shading. Is this somewhere in town?"

"My backyard." I muttered and quickly turned the book back around. "Like I said, I mostly hung around home."

She nodded and snapped her sketchbook shut a few seconds before the bell rang. I blinked in surprise. She must have been watching the time.

"It really was nice to meet you Alex." She smiled. "I have a feeling we're going to be great friends."

I blinked at her again as she stood and walked out of the classroom with a graceful lope that sent a pang of pain through my chest. _Becca walked like that._ Like every step had been choreographed, it had been the result of years of dance classes and a fair amount of natural grace.

Blinking back tears I stuffed my belongings in my backpack and hurried out. I had biology next, which was on the opposite end of the school building. _Thanks for that administrators._

I made it to the classroom just before the final bell rang. Anna smiled and waved at me from a lab bench at the back. I headed towards her, swiping the moisture in my eyes with my sleeve. She looked like she wanted to say something, but Mrs. Peters was already standing at the front of the classroom.

O ~ O ~ O ~ O ~ O

Biology was intense. Mrs. Peters got straight into it and by the end of the lesson my hand was aching.

"Freedom!" Anna whispered to me as I hastily scrawled down our homework.

"She'll hear you." I warned, remembering the detentions Anna had gotten last year for _'inappropriate comments'._

She waved me off and hefted her bag onto her shoulder. "Who gives homework on the first day back? It's cruel."

I shrugged and followed her downstairs to the student car park and to my secondhand, slightly dingy Nissan hatchback. I ran my hand over the bubbling paint. It had its flaws, but it was mine and I loved it.

"I can't believe my parents refuse to buy me a car." She huffed as I unlocked the passenger door for her. "' _No Anna, get a job_.' They want me to suffer, I swear."

I knew better then to comment as I walked around to the driver's side. Honestly? I was super thankful Aunt Lauren had gotten me a car, but I understood that Anna's parents couldn't afford to buy cars for all three of their children.

"Anyway," she huffed and threw her bag into the back. "How was your day? I couldn't ask you in bio with Peters watching us. She has it out for me."

"It was good." I started the engine and carefully pulled out. "I'm looking forward to Wednesday, I have double periods of both art and music."

"Lucky." She whistled. "I have gym and English. Though, I'm planning on ditching one of those so . . ."

I snorted and braked, the traffic was always atrocious of an afternoon.

"Hey?" Anna lent forward and wound down her window. It had briefly stopped raining. "I think one of the new kids is looking at us."

"Yeah?" I didn't take my eyes off the car in front of me. "Which one?"

"Uh . . . Alice?"

I followed her gaze and sure enough, the tiny girl was leaning against a much taller honey blond male who held an umbrella over both their heads. Catching my eye, she grinned and waved.

I quickly looked away, pulse quickening. Calm down. Act normal. All she did was wave.

Anna laughed and slowly wound the window back up. "Funny, she and her sister barely spoke to anyone in the classes we had together."

"Really?"

"Yeah." She turned on my CD player and groaned. "Seriously? You were listening to this same CD two weeks ago when we went to the mall."

I shrugged, not sorry. "I like it."

"Classical music makes me want to sleep." She fanned her hair out and turned the heater up. "Like, I get that you play the piano, but would the occasional pop song kill you?"

"It might." I joked, pulling out of the school parking lot. "Are we heading straight to your house?"

"Nah, stop at the grocery store. I need chocolate if I'm actually going to do the bio homework."

Nodding, I headed in the direction of the nearest grocery store. Despite complaining about my choice of music, Anna hummed along and even tapped on the dashboard. I smiled and flipped on my windshield wipers as it started to drizzle again.

By the time we reached the grocery store it was pouring. Anna, muttering curses, pulled up her hood and raced inside.

I watched the rain drops run down the windscreen as I waited, miming playing along to the CD on my steering wheel. She wasn't gone for long, but when she climbed back in she was soaked.

"This better be worth it." She unwrapped a Mars bar and stuffed it in her mouth. "If is."

I cracked a smile and headed in the direction of her house. She didn't live far from the grocery store and in no time, I was pulling up to the whitewashed double-story home.

"Text me!" She yelled as she jumped out of the car and made a mad dash for the door. I watched until she was inside and then headed for my own home.

Aunt Lauren's car wasn't in the driveway when I pulled up, but I'd anticipated that. As a 5th grade teacher she would be late coming home, there would be parents wanting to meet their child's new teacher. I hung my raincoat on the rack and took off my boots, heading into the kitchen to pull a frozen dinner from the freezer. That was one of Lauren's genius ideas. Every Sunday we prepared a weeks' worth of food and then just had to reheat or cook it as we needed.

I turned the oven on and stuck a lasagna inside, setting the timer for 40 minutes. Hopefully by then she would be home.

I walked to my room and dropped my bag near my desk. I sunk onto the desk chair with a soft sigh. I'd made it through another day.

"Alex?"

I started at Aunt Lauren's call, realizing I had been sitting staring out the window for at least 10 minutes. I jumped up and made my way to the hallway where she was taking off her own jacket.

"Hey sweetie." She smiled, damp blonde bangs sticking to her forehead. "Sorry I'm late. How was your first day?"

"It was good." I lent against the wall. "I put lasagna in the oven."

"Aww, thank you." She kissed my forehead. "I'll make a garden salad to go with it. Did you get given much homework?"

"Just biology." I followed her to the kitchen where she washed her hands before opening the fridge. "Got a chapter to read."

"Alright." She placed tomatoes and lettuce on the bench before going back in. "Anything exciting happen?"

"There were some new kids."

"Were there?" This time she had cucumber and carrot. "Did you say hello?"

"Yeah." It was sort of true, Alice had said hello to me. "Sam reckons some of them are foster kids."

She paused and shook her head. "Well, it's hard to tell with gossip but it's possible. You aren't the only foster child in the country."

I folded my arms. "I know." Even if it felt that way sometimes.

"Regardless, you should make them feel welcome." She pulled a chopping board out of the dishwasher. "Plenty of room in Masonville for some fresh faces."

I nodded and nibbled on my thumbnail. I hadn't exactly been friendly today.

 _Tomorrow if Alice talks to me I'll . . ._ I'd what? I was just awkward. Sometimes I could barely carry a conversation with Anna and I'd know her since I moved here two years ago. _Screw it._ "I'm going to have a shower."

"Alright sweetie, I'll call when dinner is done."

I nodded and headed for my room. _Tomorrow I'll be nicer._

O ~ O ~ O ~ O ~ O

My resolve had failed pitifully. Instead of introducing myself to Renesmee in music I'd chickened out and spent the whole class praying not to be called upon. In biology I'd justified that it would upset Mrs. Peters if we talked, besides, she sat all the way on the other side of the room.

It was lunch now and I was fighting the urge to hide in the restroom instead of eating.

"Coming?" Anna looked over her shoulder at me as I hesitated by the door.

"Yes." I swallowed my nerves and stepped into the cafeteria.

My eyes were instantly draw to the Cullen's, and Hale's I supposed, table. All seven of them sat at one of the larger tables near the outside exit. Alice was once again leaning against the honey blond, her arm wrapped around his. After a moment of consideration, I decided he must be the one Sam thought was _'too broody'_. Across from her sat the 'bodybuilder' Sam raved about who I instantly knew I wanted nothing to do with. Beside him . . .

 _Wow._ The blonde woman was an absolute goddess. Like Alice, her clothes were stylish, but she could have been wearing garbage bags and pulled it off. Her hair was pure gold, loose around her shoulders and back. Everything about her seemed perfectly proportioned. I didn't think anybody could be more beautiful then Renesmee and Alice yet here she was, another stunning beauty but in a completely different way.

My eyes quickly moved over the rest of them. Renesmee sat in the center of the table and was animatedly talking. One her left sat who I assumed was her brother by his own bronze hair and equally perfect features. On her right was a gorgeous brunette who gazed at her with . . . pride? Adoration?

 _Mind your own business Alex._ I moved to the food line, quickly paying for a bottle of Sprite before joining Anna at our table. She once again was talking to Laura, though this time it was about a trending YouTube video.

I sipped my drink and looked around, trying not to be overwhelmed by the sheer number of stimuli in the cafeteria. My attention wasn't held by anything particular, my eyes darting around the room. I saw Alice rise from her family's table and skip to the bin, dumping the uneaten food from her tray into it. Catching her gaze, I gave her an uncertain smile and a three fingered wave, hoping it seemed friendly.

She smiled and waved back as the blond approach. He was taller then her, a lot taller and intimating with his purposeful strides. He too dumped his tray before taking her offered hand. They smiled at each other and I looked away, feeling like I was witnessing something . . . well, intimate.

 _That's ridiculous, it was a smile._

"Oh. My. Gosh." Sam dropped down beside Anna. "Guess what I just heard?"

"Nobody cares." Anna replied drily.

"You will!" Sam insisted. "It's the biggest, most scandalous gossip I've heard well, ever!"

"Save me the drama." Anna turned away. "I was actually enjoying myself."

"Seriously!" Sam grabbed her arm. "You'll never _believe_ it! Two of the senior Cullen's, Rosalie and Emmett? They're like a thing! Everybody has been asking them out since they arrived before _hello_ , look at them! But Jessica Martian swears she saw them kissing in the library in third period! Can you believe it? And they're related!"


	3. Remembering

**A/N: T** **his story contains themes of domestic/sexual abuse, depression and self-harm. They will not be graphic or detailed but please proceed with caution if these upset you.**

* * *

I froze, my drink halfway to my mouth. Siblings? Kissing?

 _ **"You're so beautiful, how could I resist you?"**_

I screwed the cap back on my drink, my stomach cramping painfully. No, I couldn't think about that. Not here, not now.

"Wait, wait." Anna held up a finger. "Which two are Rosalie and Emmett again?"

"Emmett is the hella hot bodybuilder, Rosalie is the blonde." Sam exasperatedly stated. "Do try and keep up."

I glanced towards the Cullen table. The bronze-haired male was talking to the others. Rosalie didn't look afraid, if anything she looked smug. Emmett wore a huge grin, his arm draped around her shoulders.

"So, Rosalie and the other blond are twins?" Anna continued.

" _Jasper_ , yes."

"The foster kids, right? You said the blonde seniors were foster kids."

"For crying out loud!" Sam huffed. "Yes! What are you getting at?"

Anna rolled her eyes. "You and your wild stories is what I'm getting at. Rosalie and Emmett aren't siblings, not biologically anyway. Maybe the- what was their last name again?"

"Hale." I whispered, moving my eyes back to Anna. _Not siblings._

"Right," she snapped her fingers. "The Hale twins might have only joined the household recently. Sure, it's a little unconventional but if they aren't actually related and both are consenting then who cares? They'd both nearly be 18 anyway."

"No, no, no." Sam argued. "It's still super weird. I wouldn't make out with my brother if you paid me."

"Your brother is actually your brother." Anna pointed out. "They've probably been through some sort of trauma and bonded together, that's normal. Besides, look at them! You already said everybody has been hitting on them since they arrived."

I gnawed on my lip and looked back at the Cullen's. _Does she want it though? Does she want to be in a relationship with him?_

I knew all too well what it felt like to be forced to do something you didn't want. _**"You wore that just for me, didn't you?"**_

My hands trembled as I stuffed my drink into my bag. "I'm heading off."

Anna looked at me and her eyes filled with worry. "Alex, wait-"

 _I'm sorry._

I rushed away, ducking out one of the side doors. The freezing cold help ground me, stinging at my face and fingers. I rested against the wall, gasping as tears slid down my cheeks.

 _She probably isn't being made to do anything. She looked happy._

I continued to slide down the wall, pressing my face into my knees. The sad truth? I wasn't even brave enough to ask.

 _Not that it's the sort of thing you can exactly walk right up to and ask someone._

"Why?" I sobbed, gripping my hair. It wasn't fair. Two years later and it all still haunted me, playing like a twisted movie in flashes behind my eyes. His leering eyes, her excuses, being sent right back into that hell. Hands backhanding me for even trying to suggest it wasn't heaven.

 _Becca. I'm sorry Becca._

I bit into my fist, the pain helping me focus on the fact that I was sitting out in the rain. That I was still at school.

I wanted to go home. I so badly wanted to get in my car and drive, to just keep driving forever and never have to face anyone again. Unfortunately, I couldn't.

 _Aunt Lauren_. I didn't want her to know I'd had another one of these episodes. She worried about me, I could tell by the way she hovered when I was down. She was afraid- _no. Don't go there._

I stood up and headed inside. My numb fingers stung as the heated air inside rushed around me. I kept my head down as I walked to the nearest restroom.

"Jeez." I looked at my reflection with a sick sort of satisfaction. _He wouldn't want me now._ My white blonde hair was plastered around my shoulders unattractively and my brown eyes were puffy and red.

Regardless, the last thing I wanted was a concerned teacher ringing home. I rummaged in my bag for a hair tie. I found one and a stick of pale pink lipstick. I wrung my hair out over the sink. Once I was satisfied it wasn't going to drip down my back I tied it up in a messy bun and carefully applied the pink color to my lips.

I critically examined my reflection for a few moments longer before sighing and deciding it would have to do.

"There you are!" I jumped and spun to see Anna standing near the restroom door. "I've been looking all over the school for you."

"Sorry." I sighed and stuffed my hands in my pockets. _Stupid. Stupid. Can't even make it through two days of school._ "I just . . . needed a minute to think."

"Yeah." She watched me. "Well, c'mon. Lunch is nearly over."

I nodded and walked back into the hall. "What class do you have now?"

"Government." She grinned and rested her hand on my elbow. I tensed but didn't throw her off. _It's just Anna._ "You know me, I love a good debate. I totally put Sam in her place by the way."

I huffed a little, the closest I could get to a laugh. "I wish you would try to get along with her."

"I have tried." She nodded, walking up the stairs beside me. "It just so happens she's shallow and two-faced and I can't stand it."

I shook my head slightly.

"She is." Anna insisted. "Do you want to hear my awesome debate about that too? I have examples and everything."

"Why doesn't that surprise me?"

She laughed and grabbed my arm, stopping me from heading into my English classroom. "Do you want to talk about it?"

I shook my head. _If I do, it'll make me remember._ I much preferred shoving the lid back over it.

"Alright . . ." She hesitantly smiled. "Well, call me if you do – okay?"

"I will." I promised, even though I knew I never would want to talk about it. Some secrets were better left kept.

"Okay, well," she smiled, "go learn some Shakespearian."

I nodded and managed to find a smile. I hoped it looked convincing as I ducked inside. Like yesterday, I took a seat at the back and as far away from people as possible. I placed my bag on the desk beside me and hoped that my classmates would get the hint – I wanted to sit alone.

"Hey."

I looked up at the soft, angelic voice. _Renesmee_. She looked super cute in a red sweater dress with white tights and knee-high boots. "Hey?"

She smiled and gestured to where my bag was. "Is somebody sitting here?"

 _Crap._ I couldn't exactly say yes; the classroom was empty aside from two other people sitting up the front. Besides, she'd figure it out when nobody sat there. _Be a nice person._

"No." I pulled my bag under my seat. "It's free."

"Great." She beamed, dimples flashing at me. "I don't think we've officially met. I'm Renesmee, my friends call me Nessie."

"Alex."

She held her hand out. I stared at it for a moment before realizing she wanted me to shake it. I placed my hand in hers. _Wow._ She was warm, way warmer then I was after my outdoor episode.

"Nice to meet you." She flashed those dimples at me again. "Alice told me she has art with you."

"Uh, yeah." She still hadn't let go of my hand. I pulled it away. "She does."

"She really enjoyed talking to you."

"Yeah?" What was I meant to say to that?

Renesmee . . . Nessie nodded. "Yeah. So, have you lived here long?"

"Two years."

"So, you're new too!" She laughed. "Everybody else I've spoken to was born here or moved before they were old enough to remember. Where did you move from?"

"Portland." I didn't understand why she was so interested in me. She could be talking to anybody in the room. By the looks I was getting shot as people walked in, they wished she was.

"Not too far then." She nodded. "We moved from Alaska."

"That's . . . an impressive trip."

"I suppose it is." She flashed those dimples again. "How are you liking English so far? I've read Romeo and Juliet before, a couple of times actually; and I rarely ever read the same thing twice. I'm looking forward to hearing different students' perspectives."

Bewilderment swept through me. She spoke like this was a college class or something, I doubted any conversation we had would be very stimulating. "It's alright. Shakespeare wrote some pretty cool stuff once you get around the language difference."

She nodded enthusiastically. "Maybe we could compare notes sometime?"

Was that her game? She thought I was smart and wanted my notes? It was hard to believe, the way she spoke made me think she was very intelligent.

"Alright sophomores."

I let out a sigh of relief as Mrs. Adams called the class to attention and saved me from answering Nessie's question.

O ~ O ~ O ~ O ~ O

By the end of English, I felt stupid for ever considering Renesmee Cullen might have needed to borrow my notes. She knew the right answer to every question and when we were asked to read aloud . . .

Not once did she stumble over a piece of weird English. She read so well, I imagined she'd fit in quite well with the drama club.

"What class do you have next?" She asked as I packed up my belongings.

"Gym." I answered absently.

"Oh? Me too!" She lifted her own tote bag onto her shoulder. I tried not to gape when I saw the _'Stella McCartney'_ logo on it. Surely it was a knockoff. "Mind if I walk with you? I haven't been to the gym yet."

"Yeah, sure." I shook my head slightly and started walking. "The gym is downstairs."

She followed me, raising her voice. "Do you play any sports?"

I shook my head. "Just what we do in gym. You?"

"My family are big hikers and we love baseball." The way she said it made me feel like I was missing something. "My uncles . . . and my brothers. They love football."

"Will they tryout for the team?" I could easily picture Emmett as a quarterback.

"Probably not." She shook her head. "They spectate only."

I nodded, and we walked in silence until we reached the gym.

"Nessie!" Alice scared me as she appeared from the crowd and hugged her. "I see you've met Alex. How is your day going?"

Nessie smiled and grabbed Alice's wrist. A few moments later, Alice laughed.

 _Weird._ I headed into the gym and took a deep breath. I hated this class. The sport? It was fine. The gym uniforms? Pure torture.

"Alright!" Coach Marks blew his whistle. "Everybody on the bleachers."

I trudged over and sat down, drawing my knees up to my chin. He gave basically the same speech he had last year, barking out a list of rules and then what sports we'd be doing this semester. _I'm pretty sure they're the exact same too._

"Since we've wasted 15 minutes going over the rules," he folded his arms, "we'll play a game of dodge-ball today and get into basketball next week. Now go get changed! Anybody who's in the change rooms for longer then 5 minutes better have a damn good reason."

I sighed and dejectedly headed in the direction of the girl's locker room. It was cold enough here I'd managed to convince Coach Mark's to let me wear yoga pants instead of gym shorts, but they still hugged every curve. My issue with the gym shirt was much the same, it sat snugger across my chest then I liked.

"Do you think he'll let us pick which team we're on?" I turned my head to see both the Cullen sisters walking to my left.

"No." I answered softly. I was fairly certain it was Nessie who had asked. "He'll divide us up once everybody is changed."

She practically seemed to be bouncing with excitement. _She must be good at dodge-ball._ I hated it. Whoever thought pegging high velocity balls at each other would be fun was a sadist.

I broke off from the once we were in the lockers, ducking into one of the showers to change into my uniform. I squirmed uncomfortably for a few moments before taking a deep breath and emerging. _I should have gone home when I had the chance._

O ~ O ~ O ~ O ~ O

Dodge-ball sucked as much as I excepted it to. I was nearly always one of the first people out. I saw the ball coming and I froze, instinct telling me to brace myself for the hit. The Cullen sisters on the other hand were amazing. Alice dodged balls coming her way with ease. She got lucky a lot, just happening to step left or right when one was coming her way. She probably could have won, if her throwing wasn't so halfheartedly.

Nessie on the other hand, was one of the most competitive dodgeball players I'd ever seen. She threw balls with deadly precision and by the end of the game had half her team gathered around, congratulating her.

I ducked into the locker room the moment the bell rang, I wanted to go home. I had been done with the day hours ago.

"Bye Alex!" Alice smiled and waved. "See you in art tomorrow!"

"See you tomorrow." I waved, putting my rain jacket on and hurrying to my car.

Anna was already there, leaning against the passenger door.

"Sorry." I muttered and unlocked her side before walking around to unlock mine. _I really should get that fixed._

"It's fine." She closed the door behind her. "I knew you had gym. How was it by the way?"

I just looked at her.

She giggled and patted my cheek. "That bad, huh? You should learn to forge parental notes like me."

I rolled my eyes and reversed out of the car park. "I feel like Lauren would object."

"Well, you aren't supposed to tell them." Anna rolled her eyes. "Speaking of Lauren, she has her staff meeting this afternoon?"

"She does." I turned on my CD player, after her complaining yesterday I had changed it to Tchaikovsky's _Swan Lake_.

"Did you want to come in for a bit? I have leftover chocolate from yesterday."

Anna offering to share her chocolate? Wow. "Not today, but thanks."

"Alright."

We drove in silence until I reached her house. Instead of climbing out she took a deep breath and turned to face me. "Hey Alex?"

"Yeah?"

"I don't pry. I know you've been through some stuff. I just want you to know that I'm here. You know, if you want to talk about it. You worried me at lunch."

I physically felt a weight drop over my shoulders. My stomach dropped. After a moment I swallowed. "I didn't mean to worry you."

"I know you didn't." Her voice was soft. "You're my friend Alex, I just want you to be okay."

 _I want to be okay too._ I wasn't though, the lid on the box I shoved everything in kept opening. "I will be." It's what everybody kept telling me. If I said it enough, maybe I'd believe it.

She lent over the center console and hugged me. I closed my eyes and hugged her back. For once, I wasn't the first one to pull away.

She smiled at me, tears in her eyes.

I smiled back. Like always, it felt like my facial muscles couldn't quite coordinate it. I hoped it seemed convincing.

"Alright, well." She wiped her eyes. "I'll see you tomorrow morning?"

"Same time as always."

She nodded and climbed out, waving as she darted inside.

I tried to control the sinking feeling washing over me until I got home. _Just a little longer. Just a little longer._

O ~ O ~ O ~ O ~ O

Aunt Lauren watched me worried all through dinner. I mechanically ate the chicken carbonara she'd set in front of me. Every bite tasted like cardboard.

 _I hate family dinners._ If I'd been alone I wouldn't have to choke it down, but I didn't want to worry her. I had already worried Anna. _Pretend. Smile. You can do this._

"How was your staff meeting?" _Jeez._ My tone sounded flat even to me.

"Pretty good, it was mostly about making sure to schedule any fieldtrips now, so everything can get organized."

I nodded and stuck another forkful in my mouth. I had to try not to gag. It was so hard to eat when it wasn't appetizing.

"How was your day?"

I met her blue eyes. She was so nice, she didn't deserve to be stuck with a niece like me.

"It was fine." I nodded. "We played dodge-ball in gym which sucked."

She laughed softly, "Good old dodge-ball."

I nodded and gulped down my water. I'd finished half my dinner. It was the best I could do. "Do you mind if I head up to bed? It's pretty tiring being back at school."

"Sure sweetie." She reached across the table and squeezed my hand. "Are you doing okay?"

"Of course." I lied. "Just tired."

She nodded slowly. "Well, I'm here for you."

"I know." I really did, I just didn't want to burden her with the same old story. "I know."

O ~ O ~ O ~ O ~ O

I jerked awake, drenched in sweat.

"No." I moaned, burying my face in my pillow as tears burned. _Not that dream again. Why am I dreaming about it again?_ I was supposed to be getting better, I thought I had been getting better.

Panic built the longer I stayed laying down. He could come in at any moment. _No, he's not here._

 _ **"Please, stop!"**_

I struggled to untangle my legs from my blankets, frantically kicking and rolling. I hit the floor, my shoulder smacking into the base of my beside table. "Shit." I sobbed, curling into a ball. I couldn't do this, I didn't want to do this. I didn't want to remember. Why couldn't I just forget?

 _ **"I saw you down by the pool earlier, you looked sexy in that swimsuit."**_

I forced myself to stand up and stumbled over to my desk. I turned on the lamp. I wanted to scream and kick and throw things. I wanted to flood the house with light to try and chase away the shadows in my mind.

"Why?" I sobbed. "Why did you do it? To me, to her. Why?" _We were just kids._

I dug my nails into my thighs. I needed to focus on something, on anything other then the way my skin was crawling.

 _ **"I love you Lexie."**_

I barely held back my scream as I stumbled out of my bedroom to the bathroom and flicked on the light. I looked like a mess. My hair was wild and snarled. Bright red scratches were on my chest and arms, I didn't even _remember_ doing that.

"I hate you." I hissed at my reflection. "I hate you. This is all your fault. Why couldn't you save her? Why couldn't you save yourself?"

My reflection didn't hold any answers. _Failure. You're such a failure._ I gripped the edge of the counter tight in my hands. I'd failed then, I was failing now. I was supposed to be getting better. Making Aunt Lauren proud.

Instead she was worried. Anna was worried. _Failure._

 _ **"I heard you've been telling lies, Lexie."**_

I flicked the bathroom light off and carefully picked my way back through the house. I was couldn't quiet get enough air into my lungs. Tears streamed down my cheeks. I had to be quiet though, I didn't want to wake Lauren up.

 ** _"Irresistible. My forbidden fruit."_**

I yanked opened the back door, icy air rushing over me. I gulped it in, moving to sit on the porch swing. The cold stung my skin. _Finally._ It gave me something else to focus on. It wouldn't work forever, eventually my skin would go numb, but right now . . .

I could _think_.

I slowed my breathing and looked up at the sky. Through a small gap in the clouds a full moon shone down.

"Everything is going to be okay." I whispered to myself. I had to believe it. Had to believe that eventually the memories would fade.

 _I'm going to be okay._


End file.
